What the kids have to say

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BlogHer and LG Text Ed

So, the whole conversation about texting and cyber bullying and sexting that I’ve been engaging my kids in has been happening during breakfast, throughout dinner, and in that time in the car between drop off and pick up from activities. A Mom has to get her kids attention when she can, after all. These days getting a direct answer from my 15 year old son Ace is something akin to a hundred year event, whereas my 12 year old daughter Giggles will ramble on about her day and thoughts and feelings all day long. It’s an interesting time here in Casa Catootes with all the teen and pre-teen hormones swirling in the atmosphere, but it can never be considered boring!

I’ve been asking questions of both my kids to gleam some insight into the always-mysterious workings of the teenage mind on the topic and let me tell you, it’s been an enlightening journey. And I know you want to know so without further delay because it’s been a long week and I’ve had to talk way too much, here are their responses to the questions from you and some others that came up along the way:
Q: Do you ever text a message that you would never say in person?
A: Giggles says Nuh uh. I only text my friends and family, so what wouldn’t I say to them that I would text?

A: Ace says Maybe. (I asked for more) Sometimes it’s easier just to text and it depends on the person and whether we’re good friends or not. -if you’re friends, why would you text it but not just say it?- He shrugged.


Q: How do you know whether something is acceptable to text?
A: Ace – If I’d get in trouble for saying or doing it in front of an adult, probably shouldn't text it. - Have you ever texted those over the line things. - His answer was a small smile with the ubiquitous teenage “Yeah.”

A: Giggles – I’m not sure what you mean, Mom. - I try and explain, doing a poor vague job of it. -I don't think so but I would need to see it to know whether it's one of those things that cross a line. - I think you would know.- Like that animated picture of the boy peeing on the cactus? - Worse than that.- Oh, I think I get it. Stuff like bad words and bad pictures and curse words. -Yeah.-


Q: Why would you text people/your friends if they are standing right next to you?
A: Ace – So no one else hears what I want to say to that friend.-Don’t you thin that might make other friends feel left out, or make another friend think they might be a target of gossip if they are net getting the same texts.- Ace shrugs and says “So?” (I’m not sure teenage boys are very concerned with social manners)

A: Giggles – Same reason, Mom. I might want to tell one friend something that another friend doesn’t care about.


Q: If you got a mean text from a friend that hurt your feelings, what would you do?
A: Ace – Text my friend back that they were being a jerk and ask what it was about. (Via text of course, I asked.)

A: Giggles – I’m not sure. I think I would show it to you or Dad because I wouldn’t know what to say to a friend that would do something like that.


Q: Have you heard about instances where friends were bullied or picked on through text messages?
A: Ace – Maybe. I think I heard about something in school with some girls but I don’t pay attention to that stuff.

A: Giggles – One of my friends said she got some texts from a girl who said she didn’t like her and that she was ugly. -How did that make your friend and you feel? – My friend was sad because she didn’t really know the other girl well and didn’t think she did anything to deserve the mean girl’s text. I was sad too, for my friend. Kids shouldn’t be mean.


Q: Have you ever received bullying/mean text messages? What did you do?
A: Ace – Yeah. You saw them, when that kid was texting me that he was going to beat me up, and other junk, and that was before you let me text anyone, remember? You took me to his house to show his parents and face off with him. His parents didn’t believe you until you showed them my phone with his messages. And then they were still all pissy. – Don’t say pissy - about it. -Then what happened?- Well, he stopped. I still didn’t like that you took me over there. –I know, but it worked.- Don’t ever make me do that again.

A: Giggles – No, not through texts, just when that girl in 4th grade told some of my friends that she didn’t like the way I dressed and that I was strange because I don’t care about clothes so much. I only text with my friends.


Q: Have you ever sent a mean text?
A: Ace – Maybe. But it would have been to a friend that I was mad at, or that I was just joking with, not someone I don’t like. Because why would I bother sending mean text messages to someone I’m a not friend with? (I’m not sure if I can work through that logic, but I get his point I suppose.)

A: Giggles – I don’t think so. I wanted to, to that girl that was mean to my friend but then I’d get in trouble.


Q:  Has anyone ever sent you a sext message?
A: Ace- Nah. That’s nasty. – What would you do if you did get one? – He shrugs. I don’t know, delete it probably. You and Dad told me about the kid that got in trouble for receiving that text picture of some girl’s boobs and how that could mess him up later. I think it’s weird that he got the message and got in trouble. It’s not like he took the picture of her boobs. She the stupid one for either taking that pic or letting someone else take it. I mean, that’s dumb Mom. -I know, but you’ve gotten jokes that are sexual and a couple of animated pictures that are a little risky for your age. You’ve shown them to me. Did you forward them to your friends? – Yeah, a couple. They were jokes and funny pictures! –Someone could feel that your sending those texts is a matter of sexual harassment or pornography, even though you thinkit was just funny. – People need to chill. –Let’s move along.

A: Giggles – Eeeeeewwww. I’d show you or Dad. And then delete it. Would you tell on the person who sent it? – Maybe. Depends on what it was and whether I thought they meant it as a joke or not. I would probably ask you to tell them to not send you that kind of thing again. If it was clearly meant as a bad thing, I would certainly confront the person who sent it and their parents. - That's good. Anyone who would send those kind of pictures should get in trouble. I wouldn't want anyone who would do that to be able to send me texts anymore or to be their friend.


Q: What if someone told you they had gotten a sext message? What would you do?
A: Ace – I don’t know. If they were upset by it? Tell them to talk with their parents I guess. Maybe ask you or Dad about it. If they didn’t care, why should I do anything?

A: Giggles – Tell them to tell their parents right away.

There you have it, the texting insights of my kids. From this I get that they hear what my husband and me are discussing with them and hope they keep that dialogue open as they navigate their teenage years. And that I need to have a social manners discussion with my son. He seems to have forgotten the basics.

Have you had a conversation with your kids (or nephews/nieces, grandchildren) about texting, sexting and safety?  BlogHer  is matching LG’s  donation of .50 to dosomething.org for every comment on this post, so please tell me about your conversation with your kids in the comments. Or if you haven’t had the conversation yet, what’s holding you back? Maybe another reader will have the perfect suggestion for how you can get your conversation going. It’s important for all our families, and dosomething.org will get a $1.00 for every comment, question or suggestion.

Wind and the Pillow for Peace or how I spent my $25 HomeGoods Gift Card

Usually when I go shopping with my son it’s because he needs something, or he’s managed to bribe and/or blackmail me into some bit of foolishness. This time he came with me because he was a hostage in my car on my trip to HomeGoods, to make use of the $25 gift card from the HomeGoods and BlogHer promotion.

The task: Find a lovely gift, or gifts, for someone for $25.00 or less and tell everyone about it.

My goal: Find something for my sister to make her smile.

With my reluctant shopping companion trailing behind me, we strolled along the aisles, taking in the variety of merchandise displayed on shelves just bursting with color and form. I didn’t know what I wanted, not specifically, but figured when I saw the one thing, I would know.

My son, the one who didn’t want to come shopping, saw the one thing he knew would make a great gift for his sister. Colorful Peace sign wall decals for her newly renovated room for only $5.99. He found a winner as the colors were right in line with his sister's favorites and they were unique, just like her.

Several more aisles in and several items had called to me for my sister. And then once again my son, the one who did not want to shop, came across a soft as cloud body pillow in bold aqua blue chenille and thought that this would be a great Christmas present. For him. He was also right for only $16.99. Is it wrong to buy a kid a Christmas present right in front of their face and then stash it away until Christmas day? I think not.

And the perfect gift for my sister? I brushed up against a windchime, one I hadn't noticed while browsing, but when the music from the chimes rang out, I knew that was it. A beautiful metal scrollwork support with long silver tubes with a metal curled leaf pendant. It was perfect for her front porch, where the bay breeze would set it to play and let the music filter through her windows on a summer day. The windchime purchase put me over the $25.00 gift card value, but at $16.99, it was a great value for the right gift.

Thanks to HomeGoods and BlogHer I was able to add to the holiday gift haul from the great selection of products available at HomeGoods.

you've got text

This is sponsored content from
BlogHer and LG Text Ed

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The phone heralded the sound of an incoming text message for Ace and he pounced on it with alacrity because he's a teenager and the cellphone is now an extension of his body. I've seen him reduced to frantic agitation when he couldn't find his phone for the better part of 36 hours. Some days I wish cellphones have never been invented and then others I'm completely irritated if my kids don't immediately answer when I call. Instant contact gratification at its best. And worst. 

ROFLAO - that's what he did after reading the text and then his nimble almost manhand fingers tippity-tapped away on the phone keypad to send whatever response was required. Once that was done he plopped down next to me and demanded I read the funniest joke ever and thrust his phone into my face. So I read and I laughed, because it was funny. It was also so completely inappropriate that had I been thinking more parent-like, and if my sense of humor wasn't just as inappropriate, I would have stifled my chuckles and rebuked my kid for even thinking something so crass could be funny. But I am weak and sometimes inappropriate humor can be funny or most stand up comedians would be out of work.

Then I realized that this joke had come to him via text and, knowing my kid, he had just winged it back through the wireless network to any number of friends to share the funny. He's all about sharing, my boy.

Of course I asked him if he forwarded the text and he rattled off any number of friends and then I took a deep breath, mostly to get my chuckles under control because it was funny, and so I could put my Mom face on and talk about inappropriate text messages and how that one, while entertaining on some levels, levels most closely aligned with rancid potty humor, could be deemed offensive by any number of people and maybe before he decides to spread the funny, he should think about how such material could be perceived as offensive.

He immediately scoffed at my suggestion and went on to show me several more saved text messages containing similarly offensive jokes and I realized we had to have a more serious talk about how texting can cause trouble that might not immediately seem to be a problem.

The big question is what shape should that conversation take? I'm at two different ends of the texting spectrum here as Ace is entertained by the less than appropriate jokes and Giggles gets excited by animated sparkling kittens as her screen wallpaper.

We have an open dialogue all the time about the benefits of technology use and the pitfalls but texting and how it can be used in cyberbullying, sexting and texting while driving are all new issues that I find myself wondering if they really understand the ramifications of a careless action in this space. Chances are I'm not the only parent in the same boat. Me, LG and Blogher are huge advocates of these conversations and to that end, I'd like to take YOUR questions and interview my kids about their thoughts on texting, cyberbullying, sexting and texting while driving and then we'll give you, my friends, a view from the teenage texting seats on 12/15. Maybe we'll learn something.

So, please pepper me with questions to ask my kids in the comments section or email them to me at catutes at gmail dot com. They are, as always, more than happy to share what's on their minds and direct the conversation of this space. My daughter actually wants to write the next post about this topic so she is very eager to field your questions.

Because this topic is so important for our kids and their futures, BlogHer really wants to get the conversation about texting, sexting and safety going – both with our kids and among parents. It will match LG’s donation of .50 to dosomething.org for every comment on this post, so please give me your suggestions on questions for my kids. Dosomething.org will get a $1.00 for each and every one.

It's everyone's child at risk

This is sponsored content from
BlogHer and LG Text Ed

My kids text their friends almost exclusively these days. Protracted teen phone calls seem to have gone the way of the Dodo bird as skimming thumbs key out short bursts of words, anywhere, anytime. Given their wired hectic world, it’s no wonder our teens think nothing of walking and texting, eating and texting and an ever increasing amount of driving and texting.

Remainder of post over at Catootes Reviews


This week I'm participating, with this post, as a "“LG TextEd Ambassador”, in a discussion on the topic RBTL: Moms discuss teens and texting on BlogHer. We're talking about Teens and the Dangers of Texting. Please, go on over and see what other Mom's have to say, it's a topic for everyone. Chime on in with your thoughts, here or there.

dishing up a little TLC

Ace seems to be the latest victim of the nasty bug that wrecked my husband and me the past two weeks. Luckily he seems to have a lighter case of it but was feeling icky enough to stay home from school and sleep.

I have to admit that there is a freedom in knowing he's old enough to stay home by himself when he's under the weather. I mean if he was hunched over the toilet heaving up his innards, I wouldn't blithely tell him to feel better and waltz out the door, but a sore throat, aches without fever and fatigue? Sleep late kid and call me when you finally emerge from your teen cave.

This round robin of germs is a pain in the butt because there should not be a chorus of hacking in my house. It's wrong. And when the kids are sick, it's worse. MA BABIES! I hate when they're sick. Thankfully my kids aren't whiners, for the most part, when ill. When Ace gets sick he gets all stoic and leave-me-alone-and-don't-talk-to-me grumpy. He gets it from his father. The grumpy part that is. He grabs his favorite blanket, takes posession of the love seat and will camp there as long as he feels sick. Or until I boot his ass to bed and spray some Lysol in his wake.

Ace thought he was going to spend his sick day at home waking hours with an Xbox controller clutched in his fingers. Imagine his surprise when he got my text message telling him that if he was too sick to go to school, he's too sick to play Xbox all day. It can't be healthy to spend the day shooting people via Metal of Honor if you're sick, can it? He was to rest, study, chill with some T.V. and continue to eat whatever he felt inclined to stuff into his face.

While I appreciate his independence it still warms my heart when he curls up next to me on the couch and wants some make-me-feel-better-cuddling. I imagine there aren't too many more days he'll indulge in that so I'll cherish them while he's still willing, make him a cup of warm tea, wrap my arm around those suddenly broad shoulders and hang out with him after work. Because it doesn't matter that he's taller than me now, he's still my first born, my baby and when he's sick I want to make him feel better.


I'm participating, as a "“LG TextEd Ambassador”, in a discussion on the topic RBTL: Moms discuss teens and texting on BlogHer. It's week 3 and the topic is Setting Ground Rules for Your Teen's Mobile Phone Use. I know I use texting with my kids to remind them of other ground rules but the list of cell phone use rules in our house is short and sweet.

Each comment left benefits DoSomething.org with a $0.50 donation, up to $5000, so dish up some advice and goodwill all at once with a comment over on the BlogHer LG Text ED page!

our defenses have been breached

Not that long ago, while talking with a friend about our kids, I tempted the gods by mentioning how, except for a recent appendicitis scare and trip to the E.R. with Giggles, the kids had been healthy and avoided most of the summer colds that had been circling the perimeters of their friends.

Making that sort of comment is pretty much a shout out to the universe to come screw with us, which explains why I was struck down with some form of the plague this past week. I can hear the gods chuckling even now.

Damn flu bug slapped me sideways mid-day on Sunday when my head started to swim, sweat popped out of all pores like they were steam vents and I wilted like the neglected flowers in my front garden. One minute I was merrily zipping through tasks on the weekend to-do list the next I was flat on the sofa with a cool cloth for my brow. It was like a switch had been flipped. 

Somehow I dragged my sorry ass to work on Monday because I had meetings I could not miss but the only work I managed to really accomplish was not sprawling on my office floor in defeat. I finally threw in the towel and went home to sleep for two days. I missed my daughter's back to school night, which is ironic as I was also the Board of Education representative there that night, but since I think I got my current brand of plague attending a board meeting, I figure we're even now.

When I did make my way to work yesterday, certain facts about being sick and the work environment that I've always suspected were reinforced - co-worker's are often very sympathetic when you're sick. That sympathy turns to rabid avoidance when you sit at a conference table with a cough that implies pieces of lung are about to be ejected into the atmosphere. The only people that want you at work in those circumstances are the boss and human resources. My staff stood at the door of my office when they needed something and I think I heard them spraying disinfectant behind me when I walked through. And after a few coughing fit that left me cursing viciously when I could breathe, they just laughed at me. It's a good thing it's Friday.

On a separate note, one of the best tools at hand while bedridden was texting! It replaced the suffering in silence or yelling from the bedroom method normally in play. I just quickly zipped up a text to my husband or kids when I needed more tissues, a refill for my glass, my book or sympathy. Since my family was avoiding me and my germs* as much as possible, sending a text was an efficient way to prevent my throat from burning when I yelled and keeping contact at a minimum.

I'm participating, as a "“LG TextEd Ambassador”, in a discussion on the topic RBTL: Moms discuss teens and texting on BlogHer. It's week 2 and the topic is Decoding Your Teen's Texting Lingo. I so need a road map some days when my kids send me a text because this new shorthand confuses me to no end. Go on over to see what's what or clue the rest of us parents in on shorthand used by your teens. Each comment left benefits DoSomething.org with a $0.50 donation.


*My husband came home from work early yesterday, glaring at me for getting him sick. Hey, I tried to keep the germs to myself.

the deets: This is a compensated post, via BlogHer and LG. Since I have kids, whose fingers are compelled to text, it's a relevant topic I feel strongly about.

texting and your teen, perfect together or maybe not?

Texting is a great tool for communicating with our kids. And let's face it, it's a mainstay of our kid's lives these days. We use texting to keep us all apprised of any changes to the day's schedule, a request to stop at the grocery store for milk, a reminder of chores and the occasional joke of the day.

Like any technology, determining the boundaries for its use within your family can be fraught with indecision, conflicting viewpoints and, if your family is anything like mine, vigorous lobbying by the kids to keep those boundaries nearly non-existent. Texting, for all it's benefits, presents a myriad of issues that parents, schools, and kids are trying navigate - texting in class, text shorthand, sexting, mobile meanness and the growing dangers of texting while driving.

I'm participating, as a "“LG TextEd Ambassador”, in a discussion on the topic RBTL: Moms discuss teens and texting on BlogHer. Pop on over to add your voice, because the more parental insight, the better we'll all be for it.

There's a great group of ladies over there right now talking about "mobile meanness", how texting is being used to bully and harrass.

the deets: This is a compensated post, via BlogHer and LG. Since I have kids, whose fingers are compelled to text, it's a relevant topic I feel strongly about.