What the kids have to say

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So, the whole conversation about texting and cyber bullying and sexting that I’ve been engaging my kids in has been happening during breakfast, throughout dinner, and in that time in the car between drop off and pick up from activities. A Mom has to get her kids attention when she can, after all. These days getting a direct answer from my 15 year old son Ace is something akin to a hundred year event, whereas my 12 year old daughter Giggles will ramble on about her day and thoughts and feelings all day long. It’s an interesting time here in Casa Catootes with all the teen and pre-teen hormones swirling in the atmosphere, but it can never be considered boring!

I’ve been asking questions of both my kids to gleam some insight into the always-mysterious workings of the teenage mind on the topic and let me tell you, it’s been an enlightening journey. And I know you want to know so without further delay because it’s been a long week and I’ve had to talk way too much, here are their responses to the questions from you and some others that came up along the way:
Q: Do you ever text a message that you would never say in person?
A: Giggles says Nuh uh. I only text my friends and family, so what wouldn’t I say to them that I would text?

A: Ace says Maybe. (I asked for more) Sometimes it’s easier just to text and it depends on the person and whether we’re good friends or not. -if you’re friends, why would you text it but not just say it?- He shrugged.


Q: How do you know whether something is acceptable to text?
A: Ace – If I’d get in trouble for saying or doing it in front of an adult, probably shouldn't text it. - Have you ever texted those over the line things. - His answer was a small smile with the ubiquitous teenage “Yeah.”

A: Giggles – I’m not sure what you mean, Mom. - I try and explain, doing a poor vague job of it. -I don't think so but I would need to see it to know whether it's one of those things that cross a line. - I think you would know.- Like that animated picture of the boy peeing on the cactus? - Worse than that.- Oh, I think I get it. Stuff like bad words and bad pictures and curse words. -Yeah.-


Q: Why would you text people/your friends if they are standing right next to you?
A: Ace – So no one else hears what I want to say to that friend.-Don’t you thin that might make other friends feel left out, or make another friend think they might be a target of gossip if they are net getting the same texts.- Ace shrugs and says “So?” (I’m not sure teenage boys are very concerned with social manners)

A: Giggles – Same reason, Mom. I might want to tell one friend something that another friend doesn’t care about.


Q: If you got a mean text from a friend that hurt your feelings, what would you do?
A: Ace – Text my friend back that they were being a jerk and ask what it was about. (Via text of course, I asked.)

A: Giggles – I’m not sure. I think I would show it to you or Dad because I wouldn’t know what to say to a friend that would do something like that.


Q: Have you heard about instances where friends were bullied or picked on through text messages?
A: Ace – Maybe. I think I heard about something in school with some girls but I don’t pay attention to that stuff.

A: Giggles – One of my friends said she got some texts from a girl who said she didn’t like her and that she was ugly. -How did that make your friend and you feel? – My friend was sad because she didn’t really know the other girl well and didn’t think she did anything to deserve the mean girl’s text. I was sad too, for my friend. Kids shouldn’t be mean.


Q: Have you ever received bullying/mean text messages? What did you do?
A: Ace – Yeah. You saw them, when that kid was texting me that he was going to beat me up, and other junk, and that was before you let me text anyone, remember? You took me to his house to show his parents and face off with him. His parents didn’t believe you until you showed them my phone with his messages. And then they were still all pissy. – Don’t say pissy - about it. -Then what happened?- Well, he stopped. I still didn’t like that you took me over there. –I know, but it worked.- Don’t ever make me do that again.

A: Giggles – No, not through texts, just when that girl in 4th grade told some of my friends that she didn’t like the way I dressed and that I was strange because I don’t care about clothes so much. I only text with my friends.


Q: Have you ever sent a mean text?
A: Ace – Maybe. But it would have been to a friend that I was mad at, or that I was just joking with, not someone I don’t like. Because why would I bother sending mean text messages to someone I’m a not friend with? (I’m not sure if I can work through that logic, but I get his point I suppose.)

A: Giggles – I don’t think so. I wanted to, to that girl that was mean to my friend but then I’d get in trouble.


Q:  Has anyone ever sent you a sext message?
A: Ace- Nah. That’s nasty. – What would you do if you did get one? – He shrugs. I don’t know, delete it probably. You and Dad told me about the kid that got in trouble for receiving that text picture of some girl’s boobs and how that could mess him up later. I think it’s weird that he got the message and got in trouble. It’s not like he took the picture of her boobs. She the stupid one for either taking that pic or letting someone else take it. I mean, that’s dumb Mom. -I know, but you’ve gotten jokes that are sexual and a couple of animated pictures that are a little risky for your age. You’ve shown them to me. Did you forward them to your friends? – Yeah, a couple. They were jokes and funny pictures! –Someone could feel that your sending those texts is a matter of sexual harassment or pornography, even though you thinkit was just funny. – People need to chill. –Let’s move along.

A: Giggles – Eeeeeewwww. I’d show you or Dad. And then delete it. Would you tell on the person who sent it? – Maybe. Depends on what it was and whether I thought they meant it as a joke or not. I would probably ask you to tell them to not send you that kind of thing again. If it was clearly meant as a bad thing, I would certainly confront the person who sent it and their parents. - That's good. Anyone who would send those kind of pictures should get in trouble. I wouldn't want anyone who would do that to be able to send me texts anymore or to be their friend.


Q: What if someone told you they had gotten a sext message? What would you do?
A: Ace – I don’t know. If they were upset by it? Tell them to talk with their parents I guess. Maybe ask you or Dad about it. If they didn’t care, why should I do anything?

A: Giggles – Tell them to tell their parents right away.

There you have it, the texting insights of my kids. From this I get that they hear what my husband and me are discussing with them and hope they keep that dialogue open as they navigate their teenage years. And that I need to have a social manners discussion with my son. He seems to have forgotten the basics.

Have you had a conversation with your kids (or nephews/nieces, grandchildren) about texting, sexting and safety?  BlogHer  is matching LG’s  donation of .50 to dosomething.org for every comment on this post, so please tell me about your conversation with your kids in the comments. Or if you haven’t had the conversation yet, what’s holding you back? Maybe another reader will have the perfect suggestion for how you can get your conversation going. It’s important for all our families, and dosomething.org will get a $1.00 for every comment, question or suggestion.