just a pinch

Well, I went in to see the new Gynecologist, who admits to being just as stumped regarding my postmenopausal weirdness and elevated CA-125 as my other doctor was, and while stumped, seems less concerned about the risks than I was. It's comforting when the doctor doesn't hyperventilate in panic when presented with my blood tests. I might have been just a little insulted when he mentioned that my chromosomes might be a little dysfunctional though.

A biopsy was deemed necessary and performed right there in the examining room, no need for scary hospital out-patient stuff thank you very much. And it was done, quickly and with little fuss. Not without minor discomfort, a feeling akin to a crab pinching pieces off my uterus, a crab with pincers the size of alligator teeth. The bastard.

When a doctor tells you that the procedure he's about to do will cause discomfort for a day or so, BELIEVE HIM.

Do not blithely go off to a 4 hour meeting, an hour after having small bits yanked from the lining of your uterus, thinking Oh sure, I can handle it! because you will be wrong! I made this mistake, thinking I could just toddle off about my business, tough girl that I am, handling this shit and moving on; and I made it about an hour before I needed a hot water bottle, my bed and to whimper just a little, because I am a big sissy. 

And now we wait until the results of the biopsy come back sometime next week. Shouldn't there be a law that says any and all biopsy results must be complete within 24 hours? Don't these people know that there are people like me that will gnaw on the possibilities of those results like a fucking rabid rat with a peice of rancid cheese?  I mean seriously medical community, get your shit together and speed up this shit up, because patience has never ever been my strong suit and in these circumstances I am positively unreasonable. I want to know now, DAMMIT.

In all honesty, I was reassured by the discussion with this guy, and his thoughts on the test results and what it could mean. If the biopsy comes back clean, the strategy will be to repeat the test at 6 to 8 week intervals to see if the numbers climb. If they don't, well then it was just the alignment of the planets, my hormones getting all funky and fucking with me. Apparently, this test can be triggered by any number of factors and a simple hormone shift can cause a false positive, which being menopausal, I shouldn't have many of those, but it's possible. I prefer to think the test is wrong and not my uterus. He made it very clear that this is not a reliable cancer screening test, except under specific circumstances, of which I did not conform to at all.

Thanks to you lovely people for the concern and good wishes, they are greatly appreciated. As is the tolerance for whining and unnecessary anxiety brainspew.

Thank you for participating in this Test of the Emergency Reponse System, you will be redirected back to your regularly scheduled nonsense shortly.