My dishwasher was pumping & macerated all over itself

It just stopped washing dishes a few weeks ago. It made promising noises when I caressed the start button to life; low satisfied rumbling sounds that meant clean hot dish satisfaction would soon follow and then…nothing. No sploshing wet sounds emanated from the magical washing machine.

The dishwasher is a favorite appliance, because HEY! it washes all those dishes so handily, which made this very disheartening. I’d rather pick up dog excrement from the backyard than wash dishes.

All right, no not really.

I tried the meditations I read in a book once that said washing dishes should be an opportunity to be present in the moment. Just be, as I wash plate after plate in warm fragrant water, breathing in and breathing out, knowing that my body was standing and washing dishes. Yeah, not so much. I kept counting how many dishes were left in the sink. That is not mindfulness, sayeth Thich Nhat Hanh, and he should know. About mindfulness, not dishwasher porn. I don't think. That would be so wrong.

So we called the repair guy to come diagnose our sick friend, who showed up three hours late, but since he was nice and called to tell us that, it was hard to hate on him. At first.

He was optimistic that it was just a clog when he removed some suspicious pieces of plastic and rubber out of the inner plumbing. I know not where they came from. It is amazing how quickly such hope can be dashed, when the repair guy sighs and then dollar signs start floating in the air (it's true, I could see them). Not a clog, said he, after a test start. It seemed those pieces of plastic and rubber got stuck on the rim and the macerator pump couldn’t grind and swallow them, even after grinding on them for some time. I think the dishwasher may have been cruising porn online and bought some sex toys and things got ugly. Electronic toys don’t work so well in the water, after all. The pump! The pump had dysfunction, because the macerator couldn’t macerate. Since the manufacturer produces the pump and motor as one nifty piece of equipment, at over 400 bucks to fix, you’re basically screwed if either part breaks. Planned obsolescence.

A sparkling new dishwasher was delivered today and I will rub myself all over the front of it when the vibrations of hot swirling wetness begin and feel that steam, baby.

Oh Yes, WASH those dishes.