pain in the ***

My ass hurts. And has since last Sunday.

One could say I had an eventful weekend, which is true enough, I suppose. But not quite like what most of the gutter minds are imagining.
It could be hemorrhoids. But it’s not, thankfully.
It could be a frisky night of love gone a little kinky. Alas, that’s not it either. My life isn’t that risque. Sigh.
It could be from sitting on it too much during the day. While also true enough, this fact probably just adds to the ache.
It could be the increase in size from sitting on it too much and my addiction to chocolate. But that just makes it bigger, not painful.
It could be from strenuous exercise as I try to decrease my ass mass. Ha! It is most definitely NOT that. It should be, but let’s not discuss that.

Actually, I do believe I can claim this as an exercise related incident. I took Giggles roller-skating last Sunday and I dragged my roller blades with us and took some spins along the floor. It’s been about 2 years since I’ve been roller-blading and I probably looked like a goober with my unbalanced and jerky movements. But I was able to keep myself upright and moving forward. At least I did until a similarly unbalanced little girl decided to take a left turn directly into my path. Did I mention that I haven't been roller-blading in a while? Stopping suddenly is a practiced skill. One I don't posess.

In an effort not to trample this poor little kid and crash my creaky knees solidly onto the floor at the same time, I grabbed her arms and held us both upright. Her eyes wide, she gratefully thanked me for averting this potential collision. Then my skates started to slide and I knew I was about to slam knees first onto the hardwood floor.
Using my hold on this poor girl as leverage and trying very hard to decelerate my downward motion, tightening all the leg muscles I still have left, I think I actually pulled a butt muscle in the process.

Oh! Then there was all that shovelling of snow Sunday and Monday. That's exercise, right? RIGHT?!?

It hurts. To sit, to stand, to walk, to…you get the idea. And while no one really cares that my ass hurts, thanks for listening while I whine.