Ace came home from Karate practice the other night with a major affront of his person on his mind. He was deeply irritated with the Master of the Dojo for a lecture given to all of the students at the end of their class about their unfiltered online selves. I didn't hear what was said as I arrived just prior to end of class and decided to wait in the car for Ace to emerge because really, I just wanted listen to the last few chapters of an audiobook I had been listening to on the way home from work, not watch the kids in karate. This does not make me a bad person, even though it makes me feel a wee bit guilty, which will pass.
When Ace slipped into the car and shut the door with a forceful thud, he began regaling me with his indignation.
"What I do at home shouldn't be part of what happens in Karate class."
"Why does he think he can tell me how to act at home or with my friends?"
"How is it the Karate school's business what I do on the computer?"
"He's being unfair if he punishes us for stuff we do outside of Karate class."
And all of this pre-adolescent indignation spewed forth from the aggrieved before I could even say "Hi! How was class?"
Seems the import of the lecture given to the group of Brown and Black Belts went something like this (seriously condensed version): If you (all assembled Karate students) show yourselves to be immature and irresponsible online and I (being the Master of the Dojo) find out, you can expect your class life to be a living hell. While I talked Ace down from the high horse he had leaped on, I remembered why we chose this particular Karate school in the first place. The goal isn't just handing kid's black belts and raking in monthly payments, they really are helping provide the tools for the students to be better people all around. And raking in the monthly payments.
Basically the students were told the the Master's periodically romp through the social networking sites checking for students and if they see profanity, partially naked students, bullying, meanness and other disrespectful behavior, there will be unspecified consequences to be had in the Karate School. I imagine those consequences to be lectures on proper behavior, how online persona's can project a bad impression, delayed testing, extra push-ups, perhaps a little extra pounding by black belts in sparring class. And I am okay with any and all of those things. As a parent, approved outside influences that are trying to keep my kid on a responsible and respectful path are more than welcome.
On the flip side of that position, I understand, and appreciate, all too well Ace's complete affront that another authority figure says they are going to invade his space and tell him how to behave. I still get pissed off that it's the law that I have to wear a seat belt. I wear it, for reason's other than the law now, but it took making the act a ticket offense before I started. I dislike legislation about how to deal with my very own body and instinctively rebel when someone tells me that I can't or how I should whatever. It's never acceptable for someone else to step in and tell you how to behave, how to act, what you can and can't do with your life and I hope like hell that my kid's always question that sort of action. Being a growing teen, it's hard to face one more adult telling you how to behave and I hope that Ace realizes that I understood, and respected, why he was insulted by the lecture, even though I appreciated where his teacher was coming from. As we got dinner ready after getting home and filled SuperHubby in on the class lecture, we all discussed why it might have been necessary. My thoughts ran to some student getting in trouble for their online activities and it became a teachable moment for all without any finger pointing. Ace still doesn't think it's fair that these portions of his life can intersect, with possible ramifications, but this illustrated to him once again that one area of his life can impact, good or bad, other area's that he might not have realised, by how he presents himself to the universe. Oh yeah, and that life is often unfair, despite our best intention. He knows where we stand on the online issue as we've had that conversation many times and I imagine we'll have it ad nauseum until both kids are beyond listening but it never hurts to reinforce it when we can.
What did come make it through this conversation is that Ace seems to understand that we, his horrid parents who rule his world with iron-fisted ruthlessness and stifling militarism, appreciate his view points and that we can appreciate the opposite angle, even being parents. I'm not sure he grasped that concept until now. He became less aggrieved about the invasion of privacy as we bounced this around to see it from as many sides as we could and let him express his righteous indignation. He also got that we respect his resistance to the control others exert in his world and that rational discussions will often get him further than being a brat ever will, not that I expect the brat element to go away, for him or me. What SuperHubby and I got from this is that while Ace is flexing his independence and often displays that flexing with a smart mouth and some serious attitude, he has common sense and insight that is expanding with every moment.
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