first days

There was no getting around it, she thought as she tugged her jeans on. Today’s the day.


Slipping her favorite shirt over her head she contemplated what would happen if she just didn’t show up. She chewed a little on her lower lip, eyes narrowed as she gazed, sightlessly, into the space of her room and considered doing just that, not showing up.


Who would realize?
Could that work?
Where would she go?
Could she pull it off?


Probably not, she decided. Her luck never worked in that area. They were bound to call.


It sucked, really, that she had to do this again, she sighed. Twice now in as many months. Double the torture, double the fun, she grumbled to herself, tying her hiking boots.


She stood up and took one last critical look in the mirror. Her eyes tracked over the faded denims, purple shirt and blue hoodie.
 Clean, casual enough, not to different, but not so bland as to disappear, just herself. Maybe bland is a better plan, she pondered. Less color and maybe no one would notice. Maybe she'd just blend.


She snorted. Fat chance that would happen. They always noticed. Eventually.


Gathering her courage up close she headed out of her bedroom for the kitchen. Her stomach was too jumpy for food so a cup of tea was in order.


While it steeped, she envisioned the possibilities.


Would it suck? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
Will it be awkward? Most definitely.
How would she deal with people? With difficulty.
Will she like it? Maybe.


Taking a sip of the tea, she closed her eyes and sighed, wishing for the millionth time that she didn’t have to do this again.


As she put the empty cup into the sink she realized her hands were trembling and braced them on the counter. When her hands trembled, she knew her voice would as well. Great, she’d sound like a warbling duck every time she opened her mouth. Way to make an impression. Staring hard at her hands, eyes intent, she focusing on pulling herself together. It took a few moments, but her hands steadied and her breathing evened.


She could go back to bed. She almost gave in to that thought but the aggravation she’d get later wasn’t worth it. Besides, she’d just have to do it tomorrow.


With that thought rattling in her brain, she grabbed her sunglasses and battered backpack and headed off for another first day.


Tomorrow would be easier once she got through today.