The post I wrote after first reading this article was a full on obscenity laden rant about the lack of responsibility in our culture overall these days that such a device to REMIND PARENTS that they have kids buckled in the backseat of a car is even a topic under discussion. I mean, really, people need to be reminded they HAVE CHILDREN WITH THEM? But I deleted that rant after I thought some more on the topic and came to the conclusion that maybe this is the right idea. Intervention for the masses that can't be trusted to make the right decision, or see where they have strayed from the path of clear thinking.
Look, we’ve all benefited from the alarm that dings incessantly to remind us that our keys are still in the ignition or our lights are on. Okay, nice convenience, but if I leave my keys in the car it’s my own damn fault and I deserve the inconvenience of finding a way to get them out. My kids are just a bit more important than my keys or leaving the lights on and the car battery wears down. Trust me, I am not so distracted by my own navel gazing that I would forget my kid is in the car in the first place and if by some weird twisting of the time-space continuum that happened, then I damn well deserve for the CPS to come and haul them from my care for being a stupid shit. We all have plenty of things to juggle in today’s insane pace of life, but making sure my kid doesn’t boil to death in a locked car is pretty high on my list of things to do before I walk away from a damn car. As a matter of fact, the safety of my kids is pretty much my top priority and if it’s not that high on every parents list of priorities, I declare that person a suck-ass parent and would welcome the opportunity to smack some sense into them.
While I still hold that such morons should to be bitch slapped, with lethal force, and forbidden to ever have contact with a child again, ever, I thought, since the desire to introducing legislation that reminds people of such a simple thing as TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD YOU FUCKWIT PUTZ, there should be a few other items introduced as law that take a more proactive approach to protect people.
You see, much legislation is reactive, as in, hey stupid, if you drink and drive and get caught, then you will be fined and possibly go to jail, depending on the number of times you get caught being a douche. But you see, this is an after the fact reaction. Let’s say we legislate that cars must have a device that measures the blood alcohol level of the person sitting in the driver’s seat and if it is deemed to be above the limit then the car will not start until the drunk shit gets out of the driver seat and someone else, whose blood alcohol level is below the limit, is sitting behind the wheel. Wouldn’t such a device prevent more drunk drivers than just the current standard of “Don’t Drink & Drive” because IF you get caught, the penalties will be steep. Because, let’s face it, this campaign is not exactly effective as there are still too many morons who think nothing of tanking back more than a few and weaving their way home from the bar, putting everyone they drive past in harm's way. By preventing the action in the first place we avoid the entire danger potential. Let’s stop them before they can start the car. I bet more people will stay home to consume their booze.
Based on the success of that system, ratchet that doohickey up a few amps and have the dashboard equipped with a mandatory finger prick, or hair analyzer, that identifies whether the person sitting behind the wheel is thinking about driving under the influence of a few jolts of cocaine, or heroine, or even the dreaded marijuana. Hell, make that in-dash analyzer a full toxicology screening that not only prevents the driver from being able to start the vehicle if found to be so chemically fueled but also lets the seat belt act as a restraint & puts in a silent call to the police and sends a GPS location signal so the police can come and arrest the bozo. Talk about a war on drugs!
If we take this one step further, there should be some sort of monitor, say an anal probe, that would take the inner measure of a person, so to speak, and with a DNA reading, maybe determine if a person has an inclination toward white collar crime, ala Bernie Madoff, that Stanford guy, or that Goldman Sachs exec that is such a greedy slug. If the anal probe identifies that possibility, it shoots a jolt of electricity that rewires the person’s brain so they only want to do charity work for the rest of their lives. Now THAT would be a good a monitoring service and prevent such assholes (heh, get it – assholes?) from living the high life by ripping off the rest of us.
There are really two other monitoring processes that I think would do the world a whole load of good if we could only find a way to develop and utilize. Truly, the benefits here so outstrip the drawbacks, like civil liberties and constitutional freedoms. This would really save the larger populace as a whole from danger and global suffering.
The first time someone decides to dip a toe into the political pool, they should be required to undergo a full body scan and DNA mapping that would identify the mental and emotional frailties that certain politicians have that turn them into self centered sycophants only interested in personal gain, allowing themselves to be manipulated into ruining the economics of a country or becoming fear mongers like Glenn Beck and Dick Cheney. If such traits are identified early one, their eye balls are seared and an electrical impulse is shot through their brain with such a hot intensity that the interest in politics is forever removed from them and they spend their life as far away from any political influence as possible. World Peace, Here we come.
The last and most important one, in my mind, would be the parental test. Somewhere about the time hormones start to surge, the populace should undergo a responsible reproducer analysis. For those that pass, go forth and reproduce! For those that fail, well, see that’s the type of moron that would forget they have a kid in the car, leaving said child to boil in the heat or abuse their children in a variety of ways. Really, this type of scum sucker shouldn’t be given the privilege to create life. In fact, by weeding such fuck heads out of the reproducing gene pool, there will be less need for child protection services, we’d have fewer instances of children left in the hands of irresponsible abusive adults that are supposed to cherish the very children they bring into the world.
I really think some proactive monitoring would clear up a lot of our societal ills. In the interest of fairness all around I say.
They say you can't fix stupid, but I think we can legislate the hell out of it and remove the need for anyone to take responsibility for their actions. What say you?
1 comment:
I say where can i sign up????
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