the corruption i sow with scandal & intrigue

Someone told me recently that I should be careful what I plaster all over the pages of Catootes, as there are local individuals that keep tabs on my blog and might be eagerly awaiting an opportunity to use my words against me.

Really? That thought boggles my mind.

Some people need to get a life.

Really. If any of those people are checking on me today, I got some advice for ya.

Get. A. Life.

Or better yet, a therapist. Because you obviously have deeper issues than I can help with here.

In a world where poverty abounds, where cures for horrible ailments still elude us, where children are abused and any number of sickening social injustices occur every day, the possibility that someone is wasting valuable time tracking the noise from my head, seeking scandal and intrigue, well, I find this a sad and tragic picture. Not to mention small minded.

So, In an effort to make gathering that fodder as easy as possible, as I like nothing more than accommodating my readers, here are some juicy tidbits from the sordid life I lead, in no particular order:

I didn’t go to college.

I like Styx, David Bowie, Linkin Park and Reba McIntyre. I am a dichotomy.

Sometimes I sit in my living room wearing a t-shirt and my underwear. It is, after all, my house. I have also been known to walk around my backyard similarly attired.

My favorite alcoholic beverage is Bourbon. Quality bourbon, none of that cheap shit, thank you very much.

I must have a creative outlet. Right now it’s my blog and making jewelry. That might change if I get bored.

I will always take pictures.

I tell my husband and kids that I love them many times a day. Because it is important that they know this.

I do, in fact, laugh at myself. Sometimes more than I laugh at others.

I have potty mouth; one of my favorite words is FUCK. It is truly a versatile word.

I had premarital sex. More than once. And I liked it.

I don’t believe in God, nor attend church. See my point above about poverty, illness and abuse. I don’t care what anyone’s opinion is on that fact.

Yes, I did inhale.

I would pack up and move to the Salem/Ipswich area of Massachusetts in an instant. Or Eastern Tennessee. I try to be a little flexible.

I curse in front of my children. My daughter charges me a quarter for every bad word. This fund will probably pay her tuition to Princeton.

I believe political parties should go the way of the dodo bird. I also believe most politicians are dodo birds.

I hate housekeeping and would hire a housecleaner if my budget allowed me to. I do, however, get anal about having the sink empty every night.

I enjoy reading well written erotic romances. ‘Cause hey! Hawt Steamy Sex scenes!

I also read history, biography, fantasy, and countless online newspapers.

I like to sleep naked.

I am impatient when people do not get to the point. If you have something to say, SAY IT! Do not dance around it. I am not a mind reader.

Once upon a time, I thought I wanted to be an anthropologist. And then I realized how many student loans it would take to get there.

Ironing is a waste of time.

If I don’t like you, chances are I will not bother with you. Life is too short for false friendships. If I do like you, I want to keep you forever.

I am unflinchingly loyal.

I really want a tattoo, but am a first class coward. Needles, people, NEEDLES!

My family is the most important part of my life. If you fuck with them, I will hurt you.

For years I enjoyed playing Dungeons & Dragons, because I am a geek and love fantasy. Maybe in my next life I’ll be an Elf. Those ears, you know?

I have had two careers since I started working, Medical field and Books.

I have lost a child during pregnancy, details of which I don’t choose to share. And I don’t really care what anyone’s opinion on that might be either.

I am mostly antisocial. Because under all the bravado, I am relatively shy and find making small talk awkward.

I would choose hiking in the woods to a party any day.

Being dirty makes me happy. There is something satisfying when a garden is planted and it blooms.

There are stories running through my head every day. Someday I hope I write them down.

I am a nice person. As long as you are not an asshole. Then all bets are off.

Kissing is my favorite type of foreplay.

I lost my mother, my father and my nephew to horrible lengthy illnesses within a four year time period. It changed me; some for the better, some for the worse. I am still working on the worse.

I will avoid confrontation if at all possible. If it’s not, then I will kick your ass.

I love to play word games because I am a very good speller. And really bad at strategy games.

I hate math.

I almost failed high school French. I was more interested in making out with my French teacher’s son. Which is probably why I almost failed.

I pick at or chew my cuticles when I'm nervous.

I truly believe If people would just be a little more respectful of one another’s view points, and listen to each other, real quantitative things could get done to change our world. It does not always have to be about whose dick is bigger, theoretically speaking.

Given the choice of folding laundry or reading a book, the book will always win.

I love to hang out and talk with my kids. They lead much more exciting lives than I do so this is probably a “living vicariously” thing.

I prefer being behind the camera, than in front of it. I don’t like the way I look in pictures.

While strongly opinionated, I am remarkably open-minded. Unless you are an asshole. Then, again, all bets are off. 

When I lost my license for driving without insurance, I did 180 hours of community service as an EMT. I enjoyed what I did so much that I stayed with it for two more years. It was one of the most rewarding things I had done at that point in my life. Until I had kids.

I have danced at many Grateful Dead concerts.

That Hunter Thompson killed himself before the McCain/Palin presidential run will always be a regret. Because Oh! The FUNNY…..

The reason I do not dye the gray hair taking over my head? I am lazy. And it's kind've frosty.

I will recommend to my daughter, and son, to live with someone before marrying them. It is the only way to know whether two people can stand to live in the same space together.

I am menopausal.

There it is folks. The titillating fodder of my scandalous and risqué lifestyle

I forgot to mention that I’m usually in bed by 10:30 p.m. All that sex, drugs and booze make a girl tired.

Please don’t hurt your jaw while yawning.