the voices in my head are such liars

Sanity: What the hell is this?

Concern: It could be. Women DO have different symptoms, sometimes silent ones. Just like this.

Sanity: My color is fine and I’m not dizzy.

Concern: But the arm pain and the tingling. What the fuck is up what that, then?

Sanity: Could be that I slept wrong on it.

Mild Anxiety: It wasn't there after getting out of bed. Why hasn’t it gone away by now? It is possible. The age range, the physical condition.

Sanity: Highly unlikely. I'm not that out of shape. Or that old. Calm down.

Mild Anxiety: BUT it might be and what if? And then? There are reasons it could be. Feel that pounding? It's really fast now. It could be. Isn’t it better to be SURE?

Sanity: It'll pass. Just a little twinge.

High Anxiety: It’s been going on for almost 3 hours now. Isn’t that a little long for it to be a twinge? That tightness. THAT could be a problem. Those deep breaths? What's causing those?

Sanity: That’s Anxiety! CALM DOWN. There is nothing wrong. I’m going for a ride, get some air. I’ll feel better. Get moving, blood flowing.

High Anxiety: Maybe it’s not a good idea to drive. It says driving can be dangerous.There could be an accident. And what if it gets worse? Will there be time to call 911?

Sanity: I should get it checked. Be sure. Anything is possible, considering...I"ll make an appointment with the doctor.
High Anxiety: Is it getting worse? The tingling? Feel it? The pain in the arm. I can feel the pounding. It IS worse now. The flush of heat, oh, that's bad.

PANIC: Gotcha!

Forsaking Sanity: Hi, it’s me. I’m going to the ER, I don’t think I’m having a problem but something feels weird.

Soothing Husband: I’ll meet you there. You’re fine. It’s probably nothing.

Forsaking Sanity: I know it's nothing, I think, but it’s been a while and it hasn’t stopped and Anxiety has called Panic in for a consultation and the verdict seems to be that I am DYING of a heart attack. Right this very minute.


This dialogue? It looped around in my brain for three hours last Thursday. The sane part of my brain lost all semblance of control and let Concern, Anxiety and Panic rule the day as it took about 5 hours in the ER to confirm that no, in fact, I was not actually dying. Not even close.


Seems I pulled muscles in my shoulder and my rotator cuff is one very angry puppy, which still hurts like a Bitch, with sharp teeth. The Heart? Is just fine, thank you very much. Now I have the test results to shove in the face of Anxiety and Panic when they start lying to me, the fuckers. Not to mention some damn good muscle relaxants for good measure. There can be better living through chemistry.

I think I stepped off the path of rational sometime ago. If any of you see the trail markers, send me coordinates, ‘kay? Thanks.