There seems to be an imbalance of justice here. I do the right parental things for my kids, I swear. I read the brochure with all the bullet points and know how to follow guidelines.
I force feed them quality vitamins, and I know they're good for them because they make miserable faces from the taste as I stand over them like an Inquisitor demanding evidence that they have been swallowed and not stashed under their tongues awaiting immediate disposal when they run out the door. Hey, I've seen all those movies and read all those books, too.
Bedtimes are reasonable, once the nightly battles of procrastination and wheedling have been overcome, so the proper rest is assured for their growing bodies and developing brains. How long they stay awake listening to audio books after I get them into bed is another matter entirely. And isn't that restful activity a way to enrich their young minds?
Breakfast is a mainstay of our mornings, despite my inability to function without an adequate supply of caffeine surging through my veins. Who decided that mornings had to start so early? I'd really like a chat with that sadist about scheduling. As they head off to school, they are nutritionally prepared for their bodies and brains to navigate through complicated educational processes. Lunches are well balanced to keep those energy levels at peak learning potential all day long and meant to assuage their appetites, because holy fucknuts can that 13 year old pack away food. The amount this kid eats, he should weigh more than me yet he looks like I keep him locked in the basement and feed him gruel. After that long day of learning and activity, most certainly they are ready for a fulfilling supper and nightly shower to wash away the grime kids seem to collect like my house collects dust or George Michael collects arrest warrants.
So, please, PLEASE SOMEONE, explain to me how these healthy, clean and well nourished kids can bring home germs in the first two weeks of school and I AM the one to end up with the cold from hell? Really. Is there any explanation for this? They both had a few days of sore throats and stuffy noses and then Pfftt! Over and done with. Like it never happened.
Yet here I sit, sinuses so stuffed they squeak when I try to breath in through my nose and the sound in my ears is like rice krispies on steroids. How is it that even the tiniest stream of air cannot get through my nasal passages yet a torrent of mucous can drain out? Aren't there some laws of physics that should make that impossible? The pressure in my sinuses is such that I expect my eyes to pop out soon. My eyes ache even from the computer screen glare. I went to bed early thinking I would sleep it off but that coy bitch fate seems to want to tease me just a bit more. When I lay down, the post nasal drip is like a flash flood in a canyon. Yet oddly, doesn't make the sinus pressure any less. I suppose I could guzzle some NyQuil, which would help with the sleep issue by kicking me in the head like a mule but then tomorrow there is no guarantee the alarm would break through the cold medicine drug haze. And then the kids would miss their buses and I would be too stoned from NyQuil to drive. And then they would miss the next strain of germs currently growing on every surface they touch and not be able to bring it back home for our family enjoyment. OH! the horrors.
Anybody got any NyQuil?
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