And now back to our regular scheduled programming..

You sure do swear a lot, says Ace’s good friend from the back seat.

Yes. Yes, I most certainly do.

Vehemently and with some colorful word combinations when some fuckwit cuts across two lanes of NJ Turnpike traffic, only to decelerate by 30 mile per hour without any warning, directly in front of my car.

This exchange immediately gave Ace the opening to share one of my less stellar moments of responsible driving practices. He does like to tell this story to just about everyone as he finds it hilariously funny and gets the added cha-ching of my embarrassment. He also takes advantage of the safety factor of being in the backseat and knows very well I can’t reach back and smother him while cruising along at 70 mph.

This is a lesson in never sharing such moments with your spouse when kid's ears are locked in like radar to file away and blurt out whenever an opportunity presents itself.

I was driving home from work one day last summer and some moron pulled out from a parking lot into my path, causing me to slam on the brakes. The small container of blueberries spilled out all over the passenger seat where they had been resting. When I pulled up next to said moron, glowering crossly out the window, he refused to even acknowledge me or smile in apology for being such a moron. Some uncontrollable impulse forced me to toss a few blueberries at his closed window. The blueberries bouncing off the glass produced no reaction from the moron, which was unacceptable. So I propelled, a bit more forcibly, a few more blueberries because I really wanted a response. What I really wanted was the window open so I could get the blueberries inside but that was not to be and probably for the best. This guy continued to stare straight ahead without flinching as blueberries bounced off his window and the light changed.

I drove home; reveling in my childish revenge and laughing like a loon at my own idiocy.