don't eat the yellow snow

It’s been a little snowy here in New Jersey and that cold white stuff is a beacon call for sleds and snowboards to be hauled out of garages, kids to bundle up and haul off to the nearest hill for some downhill action. Winter blizzards demand outdoor activities like this or no one would ever go out into the frigid wind.


My daughter nudged and nagged until I caved and took her to the local hill that’s just minutes away by car and has enough space to accommodate a reasonable number of kids flying down the slope.


The hill itself borders the back of a local school’s athletic fields and some houses. When the snow covers the ground with sufficient thickness it gets mobbed with people. Kids will maneuver snow into small hillocks, creating jumps and moguls for the more daring among them. There’s room for the less adventurous that prefer a nice quick slide down the hill and back again. It’s the gathering place after the snow hits. Every time.

There’s something Norman Rockwellish to the scene when I pull into the parking lot and the myriad colors of coats and sleds move around and up and down. The squeals and laughter of kids and adults filter through the air amid the murmur of subdued chatter and swish and slide of sleds and snowboards. It’s your typical family outdoor winter scene. It doesn’t take long for that imagery to shatter the closer to the hill I get and see the mess that is left behind by those that came through over the previous days.

I didn’t take my daughter sledding for several days after the 25+ inches of snow fell on us after Christmas because it was too damn cold and there was too much snow. By the time I caved and it was evident that she was going to wear me down anyway, the biggest crowds had had their fill of snow and cold and there were only a couple dozen or so people out.

The hilltop looked like a refugee camp had squatted there for a few weeks and then moved on. It was amazing the amount of crap people had left behind. Stray gloves and hats just tossed on branches. Used coffee cups, soda and water bottles were stuck haphazardly in the snow banks or tucked against trees. There were empty snack packages fluttering in the wind and blowing down the hills and against the fences of the houses that bordered the school property to get caught in bushes. A bigger element to the litter was the broken pieces of plastic sleds, deflated tubes and cracked Styrofoam body boards that were just left where they lay by the people that brought them to the hill.

Way to set an example for your kids, people. It’s someone else’s job to clean up your shit is clearly the message of the day on the hill.

Rather than appreciate the fact that the school doesn’t prevent the use of its property and be thankful that there is a nice hill that you can take your kids sledding, you litter the shit out of it and turn your back on the crap you left behind.

I mean I realize that it’s a pain in the ass when your kid’s sled snaps into five pieces of plastic and is crying because their sled broke and you now have to haul a pissy whiney kid back home, but is it really that taxing that you can’t say hey, let’s pick this up and throw it in the garbage can that is at the bottom of the hill FOR THAT VERY PURPOSE?

Clearly now that you’re done with sledding, that empty coffee cup weighs so much than when you brought it up the hill, leaving it on the ground is the best that you can do. Sledding is exhausting!

When your cranky ass toddler throws his bag of cheerios on the ground because you told him it was time to go home, it takes way too much effort to pick it up and bring it with you.

Look, hauling all the sleds and tubes across the field and up the hill is an effort and your lazy self indulgent ass isn’t used to climbing up and down and up and down, so when that tube bursts a seam and deflates under yourself, I guess packing it up to be thrown away is beneath you. After all, doesn’t the school pay people to clean the fields? You arrogant fuck, clean up after yourself.

To the people that went sledding and left innumerable pieces of crap in your wake, littering the hill, presenting the occasional danger – cold broken pieces of plastic are sharp and can cut small children sledding and falling over them– leaving your empty food and drink containers behind, not teaching your kids that cleaning up after themselves is a part of life, you all suck and suck hard. These are common decency failures and are another wonderful piece of evidence that evolution is going on the wrong direction.

You morons stay the fuck home next time amid your own debris and leave the field to those that will be just a little more respectful.