thursday thoughts

It really bugs me when I open a new loaf of bread and the first slices I take out of the bag have huge air holes smack in the middle of them. I feel cheated.

If I’m really into an audiobook while driving and my phone rings, I ignore the phone. It doesn’t matter who’s calling. Stories, people, stories.

There’s something irritating about the lights in my office, they make me tired and cranky. I may be allergic to fluorescent lighting. Is this a medical disability and I can work from home? Because then I can sit on the deck and be productive in the sunlight. While wearing my P.J.’s and bed head.

I’d really like to clothesline the guy who rides the really fucking loud motorcycle past my house at 9 o’clock at night. Does he need extra loud exhaust pipes because his other pipe underperforms? Methinks this is the case. I don’t care how shiny your bike is. It’s fucking annoying to hear you coming up the road. Go the fuck away.

To all the political office candidates: STOP sending me shiny cardstock “Vote for Me” flyers. If you spent as much time actually doing something productive for the community as you do smiling for the election pictures that clutter my landscape, I might consider voting for you, because you might have DONE something constructive. Another thing that might convince me to vote for you? Identify your accomplishment on your flyers, truths not fantasy, and stop continually telling me how bad the other guy is. Because I think you all suck when I read that kind of dirty political shit and it makes me want to toilet paper your house.

Imagine if all political candidate were required to donate at least 50% of their campaign funds to charities that actually helped people? Just imagine what differences that would make in this world.

I did not win the $226 Million Mega Millions lottery, which means I am not writing this from a hammock gently swaying in the ocean breeze on Grand Turk. Damn It.

We spent hours cleaning the fall and winter crap from our deck last weekend. This week the damn Locust trees shed most of their flowers, on the deck. That is irony, right there.

When one decides to go on a vegetable eating kick, it is best not to purchase more vegetables than can be eaten before they spoil. Trust me.

How did I not know, until recently, the awesome yumminess of medjool dates?

When will clothing designers clue in to the fact that women’s clothes should always have the stripes running vertically, never horizontally?

I would rather spend twenty bucks a month on books or beads than getting my nails done.
Just so you know.