should I stay or should I go

To BlogHer or Not to BlogHer, That is the question.

BlogHer is so in my backyard this year. Like in NYC, which technically is not in my backyard but a mere 2 hour bus ride from town, or a simple 1.5 hour drive from the house. The past two years since I began blogging, I’ve read so much about the great events, powerful voices, and happy squeeing that goes on when bloggy friends meet up at BlogHer. When I consider those elements, part of me thinks how fucking cool it would be to say hello to the great bloggers I read just about every day. And some that I don’t know now but will probably stalk, er read, after I meet them at this future event.

Then my absolute crowdo’phobia kicks in. Big throngs of people I do not know, lots of small talking I am not so good at. Small fish, big pond overload.

Did I mention crowdo’phobia? I went to BookExpo in May and despite my excitement, because BOOKS! AUTHORS! navigating those corridors was insane. By the time I left the first day, my brain was fried. I did enjoy catching up with colleagues, but oh man the people, the human sea! The second day just made me tired. But still, I wouldn’t have missed it for anything and I’m beginning to think I might feel this way about BlogHer 2010.

I’ve always been a background kind of person, the friend hovering along the edges of the gregarious social diva, the person who heads to a relatively quiet corner of the room after joining a party to gauge the lay of the land, perhas find a familiar face for safety. Brazenly walking up to strangers is no easy feat for me and inevitably my conversational skills choose those moments to abandon ship and little escapes my lips to make scintillating conversation. Mostly it just stays in my head. Shy - I hate that word but I suppose it’s better than social reject, which is rather extreme and not completely true. Hermit might be better. Or Mute. Eh, whatever.

That’s why blogging has been so cool for me. I can type type type all the thoughts roiling in my head and if someone likes to read it, that is awesome sauce. If someone likes it enough to comment, well hell, that is even better superfantasticwonderment.

The fee for the conference, while not in the budget, is not prohibitive. It may push my laptop purchase a little further away than I like, but one has to weigh these decisions carefully. Inanimate object versus real people. hhhmmm, that one could be tough to call. Heads or tails? The early bird fee is over at the end of February so I have time to thing it through to death and back again,  just like I do about everything else.

The question, please, if you will, (cue 80's Clash music now)

BlogHer, You gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If I go, will there be trouble?
If I stay, will I regret it?

BlogHer, you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go

It's always tease tease tease.
You’re happy when I’m reading posts
One year San Fran, the next Chicago.
So if you want me to commit,
BlogHer, come on and let me know,
Should I stay or Should I go?

Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there might be trouble
If I stay, I might regret it.
Bloggy friends, come on and let me know
This indecision’s bugging me.
Will I be social or will I freeze?
Exactly who I’m supposed to know,
Is my nametag clean enough to read?

Come on and let me know
Will my room mate be real cool?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
And if I stay will I regret it?
Bloggy friends, you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

(My sincerest apologies to the Clash for destroying their song)