earlobe hypochondria

Mostly I'm not a hypochondriac. I left that particular skill to my mother and she was a pro in that department.

For me it's more, got a headache? pop a few ibuprofen. Got a stomach ache, drink some chamomile tea. Got a cold, drink a gallon of OJ, sleep for a day or so, and visit the homeopathic supply shop. I'm sick of sickness and all the associated drama that goes hand in hand.

But every so often, something happens, that sends me straight into a hypochondriac manifestation. (discounting SuperHubby's back issue, which is my current medical obsession, because you know, it's SUPERHUBBY!)

Maybe 3 weeks ago, I noticed a lump under my skin, just in front of my left ear. Immediate reaction? Heart stutter, skin clammy, legs shaky. ohmygod, I'm DYING. No question.

Complete over reaction. Check. I made a doctor's appointment for the very next day and later that night, after I had fortified myself with a bottle of hard cider (okay 2 bottles of hard cider), with voice quavering, I told SuperHubby there was a lump in my face, near my ear. PHOBIA, I haz it. I haz it BIG.

When the doctor, who happens to be the internist my Dad went to, which is too weird for me I've decided, asked me why I was there, I told him I had a lump in my face in front of my left ear. His response, no shit, "That can't be good for you." I stared at him for a brief few moments, and then laughed so hard I almost fell off the table. He really meant that those particular circumstances would cause panic for me (my Dad had cancer in the salivary gland that's in the cheek which was the beginning of a long & ugly cancer saga that I try very hard not to write about), not that it was a health problem, but his delivery is really, really bad. Plus, it's damn near impossible to focus on anything he says because his earlobes are HUGE. Seriously, they're like these wobbly pads of flesh that hang down. They demand my attention as they jiggle back and forth with his movements, these giant fleshy pendulums.

Earlobes was confident that it's just a bony cyst and sent me for an X-Ray. My initial paranoia quickly became avoidance and it took me over a week to get the X-Rays done. Thankfully the results were normal and I don't have to have half my face removed. His office called me with that bit of news, which is probably best, because had I been forced to go into the office to get the results from him personally, I'd probably still think I'm dying, because I wouldn't have heard a a word he spoke, I would have been so hypnotised by the swaying earlobes.