I might have mentioned I'm running for a seat on the local Board of Education. This fact continues to surprise me, bemuse me and, most importantly, terrify me. For the most part I'm a watcher with lots of opinions. Which makes blogging the perfect activity as you all get to read my sophomoric thoughts and I don't have to stand up in front of everyone to share them. This Board of Ed thing, that's a whole different animal. There are expectations that I will be able to stand up and express my views to gatherings of people, answer questions put forth by the general public and not sound like a complete moron. Or not resemble the proverbial deer in the headlights. I'm not so sure I can accomplish both those things at the same time.
In the coming month there are no less than five "meet the candidates" nights. These events are held in various places, such as the active adult clubhouse, an Elks Lodge, a conference room in an assisted living facility and the municipal building. The invitations have provided the usual guidelines for these events: 2-3 minute opening statement followed by a Q&A period, finished with a 1-2 minute closing statement. Each time a new invite arrives, my stomach starts to twist. Every time I think of presenting myself to a group of people, I have flashbacks of my very first oral report in junior high. The nervous sweat seaped out of my pores, my hands shook, my voice cracked and at regular intervals my brain ceased to function and I forgot what I was saying and my face turned red. My classmates twittered (Hah!) and, as junior high kids are wont to do, poked at my insecurities with laser precision. The memory has plagued me to this day.
Not long into my current profession, my boss discovered my dread of speaking in large meetings, evidenced by my carefully executed avoidance of same, and shoved me headfirst into presenting at weekly meetings. If she weren't such a nice person and did it for my own good, I'd call her a right bitch. (Hey MFQ, pay attention!) As with anything, it got easier with practice. I find this activity is also smoother with the people I know than with strangers. Nowadays, I have little hesitation in telling people why things should be done my way. Because I'm right. Really.
Small talk is staggeringly difficult for me to generate with new people. Awkward silences descend and the need to fidget escalates and the brain struggles to bring forth a congenial topic of conversation. Most of my acquaintances would laugh if they heard me say this as I'm known for being very outspoken and share more than I hold back. That's more about me not having a filter and oversharing with those I am comfortable.
The very act of being a candidate for the Board of Ed pushes me to introduce myself to new people and engage in dialogue on topics I have varying levels of knowledge. Give me a task, a focus, and I'm on the case. I will share everything I learn. Ask me to socialize and I'll find the nearest corner to watch the crowd. There's an expectation that as a candidate, I should be reaching out to certain individuals, the connected people in town or within the schools, so they can get to know me, convince them to support me in this endeavor. I know this is needed to get elected. It's truly the hardest part for me. Perhaps it will get easier as the days move on.
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